Conflict

 25 October 2021

My father suddenly become unstabil and yell at my mother blaming all on her which does not make any rational sense at all.

I was affected by the yelling plus saying we whole family keep on depending on him alone. I dont know what else to think and type.

Why I Look For My Symptom

 23 October 2021

Recently I believe I have experienced nausea a few times after I had a meal. Perhaps its just gas. Also, I thought I hear voices.

What Should I Do II

 22 October 2021

Remembering bits of MIASA podcast, I am trying to heal myself internally. To update about my father situation from 15 October 2021, doctor gave him 3 months before angiogram, also to quit smoking.

Emotional Numbness

 21 October 2021

Learn to identify and express emotions; therapist

Body Chills

 13 October 2021

In the night during bedtime before medication

Names

 12 October 2021

Lina
Suziela
Suraya

What Should I Do

 11 October 2021

So I live in a family whereby I have sickness from the effects of trauma of my father had a stroke diagnosed ruptured brain aneurysm since 2013 that will go for a heart angiogram soon (15 October 2021).

Avoiding Stress

 10 October 2021

A day after adikku buat stress, went out with mom and dad just to have some breather. Did not speak much as usual and i just want to not think of stressful things my adik cause yesterday. He did not join. We went for ikan bakar melaka somewhere in kl. Even though I decided not to eat during the outing, I had a good time by being somewhere else rather than staying at home.

I hope I did not menyusahkan my mom about my sickness. Often times I wanted to talk about it but I just choose to enjoy the empty silence in my mind in hopes that I did not create any stressful situations while also she is taking care of my dad. Usual thoughts keep on playing while most times I sit back to relax. I think the medication did help but I do not know how else am I going to pull through all these thinking about life that I am happy but I do not know how to fix lots of questions such as if anything happens will I be able to survive alone. Also, every time I look at my parents taking medication, I have that thinking about how they are strong while mom taking care of me in ways she is always positive about things.

Is it normal to not talk much in a social situation? To look at other people, everything seems fine and normal like that.

4 October 2021

 1) 27 september 2021 start work

     Night at 8pm text message termination
     Morning 28 woke up, forgot take medication
     In the morning vomit, then know the news
     Next day diary

     Aftermath 1
     No motivation work and life